


thought that i was dreaming (ivy)

by taeyeons



Series: watch the clouds float, white ferrari [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends With Benefits, Lee Jeno Needs a Hug, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pining, features jeno driving!!, why is this a tag oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28327437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyeons/pseuds/taeyeons
Summary: Jeno is a fool, he knows.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Series: watch the clouds float, white ferrari [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074194
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	thought that i was dreaming (ivy)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jupiterse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiterse/gifts).



> merry (belated) xmas baby! 🤍 i've finally fulfilled a promise i made to you. here's a pat pat on your head for enduring work, i love you and i hope you enjoy this xx
> 
> me just pretending that i don't have other fics to attend to 🤟🏼 this is purely self indulgent so strap right in! title from ivy by frank ocean ofc.

The red light stares right back at Jeno, blinking every now and then. The streets are devoid of any other vehicle except for his humble, sleek Audi (a generous gift from his parents) and a lone truck behind. Winter is creeping up on them, the cold seeping in, turning the streets grey, deadening the leaves on trees. Jeno is still stubbornly sticking to his loose, graphic t-shirts, bracing the cold every single time he’s out. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, he can hear the voice of his mother scolding him for not taking good care of himself. 

His eyes stray to the digital clock, registering the numbers. Time on the dashboard flashes an ungodly hour, two-thirty in the morning, but Jeno isn’t a stranger to any of this. Not at all.

Donghyuck’s profile is of a strange sight too, one might say, the boy sitting in the passenger seat of this car, lips sealed and gaze ahead. Those who know him, are familiar with his reputation as the life of the party, never being able to shut up and knowing how to rile the crowd he’s in, no matter what. This quiet boy is albeit strange but Jeno  _ knows  _ him.

Jeno knows every little bit of him — from the stunning youthful boy exterior to the secrets concealed in his heart, only made vulnerable in the tangled sheets, but Jeno has never held them against Donghyuck. He could never, not when this is the only way he could have him. 

His golden skin gleamed under the moonlight, Jeno is constantly taken aback by the simplicity of his beauty. The moles freckling his face — which Jeno loves marking with light pecks. He used to envy Donghyuck’s skin, how effortlessly he looks, like a child blessed by the sun. 

“It’s green,” Donghyuck says so softly, which startles Jeno out of his thoughts and he turns forward again to see that the former is right. 

A light pink flush spreads across Jeno’s cheeks, he’s hoping for the dark of the night to mask it. Pulling the gear into drive, he focuses back on driving and not the flutter of Donghyuck’s eyelashes against his skin, soft and unbidden. 

Donghyuck’s hand crosses the threshold and holds onto Jeno’s thigh. Firmly. With meaning. The destination is unclear but Donghyuck’s touch isn’t, Jeno isn’t a stranger to this.

It’s not their first time, after all.

* * *

Jeno’s body sunk right into the mattress, his hands grappling the sheets as Donghyuck climbed atop him. He wore a smile on his face, a wicked quirk to his lips as the only warning he gave before leaning down to wrap his mouth around Jeno’s hardening cock.

A whine pulled itself out of Jeno’s throat, harsh and guttural, at the way Donghyuck was sucking lightly at the head of his cock. He could  _ feel _ Donghyuck’s smile against his skin and it was driving him insane, desperate. 

Jeno threw his pride out of the window when he pleaded, voice pitched when Donghyuck tongued the slit of his cock playfully, “ _ Donghyuck, please. _ ”

Humming, the vibration hit directly against Jeno’s cock and he shivered at the sensation. “Please what, babe? Be clear.”

There was not a single coherent thought in Jeno's head except for  _ fuck, fuck, fuck _ and the clear, explicit imagery of Donghyuck going down on him. His hand inched towards Donghyuck’s head instead, sliding his fingers through Donghyuck’s dark tresses. The low moan emitting out of Donghyuck dizzied Jeno’s head for a moment, his grasp on reality slipping.

His touches were tender, so unlike him. Jeno didn’t know how to feel when Donghyuck pulled his mouth off his cock to look up at him through his lashes, gaze scrutinising carefully and patiently. He had a hand on Jeno’s thigh, gripping the soft muscle there, kneading his skin lightly. Jeno swallowed around the pooled saliva in his mouth, still unable to find the words. There were indeed words but none of them right for the growing lust in the air.

If they were anything else, Jeno would’ve said it all, but there was still a boundary line to keep in mind even when Donghyuck had everything of Jeno in the palm of his hand. 

Jeno ran his hand through Donghyuck’s hair again and again, watching the way the latter closed his eyes briefly at the touch. A weight of unsaid words dragged his heart down. “I want you to fuck me,” was what Jeno said instead, his gaze catching onto the switch of Donghyuck’s demeanour at his verbal desire.

Donghyuck’s eyes were blackened, the teasing lilt to his smile dissipating. The temperature rose as Donghyuck leaned over Jeno, his arms caging the latter further into the bed. Jeno’s back arched as he tried to meet Donghyuck halfway but he moved too swiftly away, chuckling when Jeno groaned at the emptiness.

“Yeah?” Donghyuck whispered against his lips, he swept a thumb against Jeno’s bottom lip, wiping the sheen of spit there. Jeno sucked in a breath, parting his lips for Donghyuck’s thumb to slide in, tonguing around the digit. “You miss me that much?”

This was uncharted territory; Jeno hesitated, eyes widened back at Donghyuck’s half-lidded stare. He was waiting for a response, pulling his thumb out of Jeno’s mouth. Before he could answer, Donghyuck wrapped his hand around his own cock, and every thought left Jeno’s mind. His gaze zeroed in on Donghyuck’s ruthless tugs and his jaw slackened, imagining the weight of Donghyuck’s cock on his tongue.

“Hm?” Donghyuck prompted him, leaning back, settling atop Jeno’s chiseled stomach. If Donghyuck were to come closer, Jeno could wrap his mouth around his cock and his gut tightened at the pooling desire. 

Jeno made a series of noises when Donghyuck grabbed a hold of his cock, tightening his grip around him harshly. The warm, tight grip around his cock was leaving him lightheaded and he wanted to thrust into the fist of Donghyuck’s hand but his body was pinned to the bed by Donghyuck’s weight atop him. His whole body was shuddering with the need for release, aching from head to toe for Donghyuck to tear him apart.

“I-I…” Jeno shuddered. He wanted to say that he missed Donghyuck altogether, not just this fucking around at odd hours of the night. He missed the pucker of Donghyuck’s lips, the lazy words leaving him when they’re spent, facing each other in bed. He missed the almost-something’s that will make him ponder on for hours after, a seed of hope planted in his chest for anything beyond these nights.

But it was not what Donghyuck was asking for, it wasn’t right, and frankly, Jeno was too desperate for any relief to his reddened, fully hardened cock. Even a single drag of Donghyuck’s hand would make him cry.

Donghyuck’s grip tightened if possible and Jeno choked on his words, tears springing to his eyes. “I miss feeling full with your cock. I want you to fuck me please, please,  _ please. _ ”

A chuckle slipped out of Donghyuck’s lips and he tugged on Jeno’s cock, making him whimper at the action, trying to thrust upwards. Jeno felt Donghyuck’s mouth dragging across his clavicles, bruising kisses on his skin that would stain purple in the morning. He moaned, unbidden and loud in the night, and Donghyuck swallowed it with a kiss on his lips.

“I miss you too,” Donghyuck said too softly against Jeno’s skin and he felt it like a confession feeding into his heart, setting him alight. 

There’s nothing Jeno wouldn’t do for Donghyuck so he bared himself to the boy, knowing that this is the only way he could have him. And he wouldn’t ask for anything more.

* * *

The beginning of this came in the form of Donghyuck turning to Jeno, in the midst of watching a movie casually on a Saturday afternoon. The question slipped way too easily, obviously not thought out thoroughly (but that is just Donghyuck essentially, never thinking twice before he speaks). That should’ve been the first warning sign for Jeno, as all things when it came to Donghyuck were never of good outcome. 

“What if we… did things differently?”

Jeno never realised the implication of the question, staring blankly at Donghyuck, awaiting a proper explanation. When it came, he still stared blankly at Donghyuck though now he thought it was all a joke written by the stars of the universe, some sort of karma for that time he cheated in high school exams, because surely, Donghyuck would’ve seen right through him right? It is unspoken, never said aloud but surely he knew about the lingering gazes and the fact that Jeno has never had a boyfriend ever since the disaster that was Dejun.

It was times like this where Jeno wondered how someone as quick-witted as Donghyuck could be so incredibly clueless.

“You have to be kidding me,” Jeno said and even as he said it, he wished for it to be a joke but he knew Donghyuck too well to know that glint in his eyes wasn’t of amusement. 

Donghyuck shrugged, leaning far too close to Jeno’s side, his hand roaming up Jeno’s thigh. The protest died quickly on Jeno’s tongue and he became a convert when Donghyuck nosed at his jaw, “Would it be so terrible?”

* * *

“You do know that you’re a fool right?”

Jeno brushed Renjun away, the other boy frowning at the display of carelessness on his part. Truth is it has gone on for way too long that Jeno has lost the capability to feel anything else.

(This was also a telling sign of his white lies, he’s grown quite a talent for developing those.)

“Maybe I am,” Jeno said, his voice emotionless. He is indeed an impulsive fool, acting upon whatever he strongly feels, there’s a hope beneath it all for the day he ceases to stop such antics. It’s still a futile effort.

The sun was dripping light across the room, all he felt was a shadowing presence of his inner insecurities being seen by Renjun as the latter stared at him with a pitying look. He didn’t need sympathy for the mess he’s in, this was quicksand and he knowingly dragged his feet into the sinking substance.

Renjun held his hand, “I think you should tell Donghyuck how you feel.”

That’ll be the end of it all, Jeno thought gravelly, and he shot Renjun a look. He truly appreciated Renjun’s efforts to make things right, seeing as he was the only one who knew of this illicit situation ongoing during late hours. Jeno had learnt to become a night owl, had adapted to the sense of reality seeping in when the sun rose every morning and the single bed in his room being a source of a dreamlike nightmare. 

Jeno wouldn’t burden Donghyuck with such feelings, knowing the whole reason behind this was to not harbour such at all. It wasn’t Donghyuck’s fault that Jeno was indeed a fool with his heart in his throat, diving into any sea when pushed by Donghyuck’s hand. If this was the only way to have him at all, Jeno wouldn’t risk anything more, even though his heart wants.

He will unlearn the matters of his heart in time.

“Not going to happen,” Jeno shook his head, flitting his gaze away from the disappointment on Renjun’s face. He may be stubborn, but this time, he was right for being so. “He obviously doesn’t want that.”

Renjun’s voice was as soft as his touch and it cradled the sharp-edged pieces of his heart, “I don’t want this to break your heart later on.”

It’s much too late for that.

* * *

The car takes a left turn, the wheels braking against the gritty road, and it’s at this moment where Donghyuck murmurs something, too low for Jeno to hear above the white noise of the night.

“What was that?”

Donghyuck flits his gaze towards him but Jeno has his own fixated on the road, a lineup of traffic lights awaiting him. His presence alone is tempting, though Jeno can’t afford to give in, his whole body tense from the moment Donghyuck set his hand on his thigh, squeezing gently.

“Where are we going?”

At this, Jeno risks a second of flicking his eyes towards Donghyuck with confusion written all over his expression. “Um,” he says smartly. Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at him and he goes on, still sounding perplexed at his question, “Back to my place?”

_ As usual, _ left unsaid in the air between them. It’s one of those nights; a text message lighting up Jeno’s phone screen in the late night and him readying the car keys even before opening the message properly because there’s nothing else, no one else that would haunt his nights like this. All of his nights are reserved for Donghyuck, for  _ this _ , for the car rides right back to his place again to slip into rose-coloured dreams that only exist under the unwavering moon.

Donghyuck has an unreadable expression and maybe this is why Jeno can never figure him out exactly, why he’s stuck in this circle with him. 

“No, let’s…” Donghyuck pauses, as if contemplating his words. Jeno waits, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel. They’re paused at another red light and the night is young. Jeno will drive them to the next goddamn city if Donghyuck asked, into a lake, into anywhere. 

Nodding to himself, Donghyuck continues on, decisively, “Let’s go to the grocery store.”

* * *

Jeno lives with Renjun in a humble little apartment just a few paces away from campus, which is enough of a statement to confirm that his fridge is constantly stocked so this grocery store trip is uncalled for. On these kind of nights, he will leave a message for Renjun and while the boy does give him a concerning look every single time, he makes it a habit to stay out of the way when Donghyuck stays over. 

Yeah, it’s an understatement that he doesn’t deserve Renjun as a friend.

He stares down at the text conversation opened on his phone screen, where he had sent a panicked text to Renjun and the following texts after read:  _ wdym a grocery store?, dont fuckin do it in the grocery store  _ and  _ i dont want to bail u outta jail.  _

When he took a whole round to reach the grocery store, Donghyuck remained quiet in the passenger seat, merely tapping a melody onto Jeno’s thigh. Questions are still swirling around in his head as he trails after the boy, entering the 24h supermarket two streets down from his place. Jeno doesn’t know what he’s expecting but the sight of Donghyuck grabbing a basket and turning to him casually isn’t it, really.

“Mild or spicy ramen?” Donghyuck asks as they walk down the instant noodles aisle. There’s a few snacks in the basket now, more attuned to Jeno’s sweet tooth and it gripples his heart the way Donghyuck remembers. 

Jeno glances at the rows of packets of ramen and nods towards the brightly red coloured one. “That one.”

Donghyuck laughs, as he drops the said ramen packet into the basket. “I remember your mother scolding you for finishing this during finals week.”

His fingers are lightly touching a Japanese brand ramen, not particularly interested in it, just keeping his hands to himself in this supermarket. Light shines out of Donghyuck’s face when he laughs, eyes shining in amusement and Jeno’s heart squeezes all too fondly at the sight. 

They say, time is non-existent in places like this; a 24h grocery store, the place distorting the dynamics of reality, and so Jeno believes this is a figment of his imagination. This moment in time is merely an alternate reality tucked in and when he wakes up later, he’ll find himself back where he’s meant to be: a reality where Donghyuck doesn’t look back at him with the same adoration reflected off his irises.

“You’re not any different,” Jeno rebuts, recalling the way Donghyuck was drowning himself in cups of coffee to digest more study notes alongside him. They were such a mess, have been for the longest time ever since they attached hips at the age of twelve. 

How did things wire so differently from back then? All the simplicity of bumping fists with his best friend in sweet innocence and comparing Pokemon cards up to being separated in different majors in the same university and gasping out each other’s names in the presence of the crescent moon. 

A sense of peculiarity wraps around his being as Jeno stares back at the clear delight on Donghyuck’s handsome face, his leather jacket getup making him stand out against the dullness of the supermarket. His loose-lipped attitude, eased smiles and unruly brown hair, not that this is foreign to Jeno but he wears a scowl too often these days that he almost forgot how pretty Donghyuck’s eyes are when they light up. 

How is this another sort of deluded fantasy that is conjured out of Jeno’s mind? 

They move onto the next aisle where Jeno discovers more sweets. In the middle of watching Donghyuck reach for the cola-flavoured gummies (it was Jeno’s favourite when he was younger, God, his heart aches), he asks in a voice too harsh yet carefully quietened in the grocery store, “What are we doing, Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck blinks, his hand closing around the packet of gummies. “Getting groceries?” he straightens up, facing Jeno properly with a mirrored puzzled look though Jeno’s is mostly out of the bewilderment of this entire situation. “Is something wrong with that?”

“No,” Jeno says, knowing he sounds stupid but there’s something that he’s not getting and he looks to Donghyuck for the answer. “I don’t understand this. Why are we here?”

With an eyebrow raised, Donghyuck’s face slips into an amused expression. “Why not?” 

Jeno doesn’t answer.

Donghyuck sighs, dropping the packet of gummies into the basket. Then, hesitating before dropping the basket on the floor altogether. He covers the space between them with a few steps, breaching into Jeno’s space with his unrelenting warmth. 

His eyes soften as his hand reaches up to cradle Jeno’s chin lightly. The difference in their heights never bothered Jeno but he feels set afire when Donghyuck makes up for the slight difference with a hand reaching out to him, gaze searching his as if asking for permission. Isn’t that funny, with everything that has happened, with the years of their friendship between them, and Donghyuck still seeks for a  _ yes  _ when that’s all Jeno has ever given him, when Jeno has always been giving him  _ everything _ .

“Renjun told me,” Donghyuck confesses and Jeno wishes for nothing but the world to swallow him whole though he also wishes for Renjun to be casted off to hell. There’s sincerity burning in Donghyuck’s irises, Jeno is rooted in place by the intensity of it. “And I used to believe it’s just wistful thinking.”

“What’s wistful thinking?”

“Being more with you,” Donghyuck easily says, stealing all the breath out of Jeno, not for the first time tonight. “I’ve always wanted that.”

This single sentence freezes Jeno, stiffening all his limbs as the words register in his mind, played over and over in Donghyuck’s voice. Jeno might be tricked by being in a space like a grocery store where reality is blurred but everything is made even more real when Donghyuck runs his hand across Jeno’s skin, cupping his jaw loosely, tenderly.

Jeno pulls Donghyuck’s hand off him, slowly intertwining their hands together. Donghyuck looks pleased by that and he burns with longing. Gesturing to the grocery store they’re in with his free hand, Jeno cocks an eyebrow, “Is this what this is meant to be? Is this you courting me?”

Donghyuck smiles, sweetness laced in that upwards tug of his mouth, and looks down pointedly at their interlocked hands. 

“I believe I already have you, Lee Jeno.”

* * *

The bags of groceries are parked in the boot of the car, just unnecessarily more junk food than Jeno should be having, and Donghyuck’s favourite apple juice carton. It’s the least of Jeno’s worries now however.

He pushes Donghyuck up against the side of his car, attaching his mouth to the underside of Donghyuck’s jaw, immediately pulling out a whine out of the latter. There’s other vehicles around in the carpark but they have an excuse of being drunken, horny teenagers at this hour even when there’s not a single ounce of alcohol in their systems and Jeno’s just drunk on the sight of Donghyuck in general.

It’s so essentially Donghyuck to wreck Jeno’s world, pull the strings apart and tighten the seams the same. 

“Easy there, tiger,” Donghyuck laughs but it’s cut off by Jeno’s lips on his, a light peck that leaves Donghyuck trailing after him. The once-there amusement has now turned into fiery desire, a look that Jeno is familiar with, and he chuckles back at Donghyuck’s look of whiplash when he moves away from him.

Jeno catches Donghyuck glancing back at his car before turning to him, “Is the backseat out of the question?” 

He would have him anywhere in the world but Jeno doesn’t let him know it, he merely smiles, eyes crinkled. Whispers of his heart, now no longer deeply hidden within, flow freely through his gaze and touches. Jeno shakes his head in answer, chiding Donghyuck teasingly, “You’re just impatient.”

“Can you blame me?”

This is surely a dream, Jeno pinches himself just to right himself but he’s still here with Donghyuck looking up at him, in his arms, so at ease, so happy to merely be in his presence. 

“We have till the sun is up, darling.”

Donghyuck is beaming when he corrects Jeno, tutting. “We have all the time.”

His hands roam around the smooth leather of Donghyuck’s jacket, his heart finally being able to have and want without holding back. Jeno leans in and kisses the apples of Donghyuck’s cheeks, the words tumbling out of his lips in what once meant to be a sacred confession, “You’re a dream, Donghyuck, you can’t expect me to not fall.”

Jeno lets himself be pulled in by the hips, following after wherever Donghyuck strays off to. All the places in the universe and he’d still be by Donghyuck’s side.

“Fall then,” Donghyuck’s smile is the anchor to this reality, and Jeno has him in more ways than before. “I’ll catch you.”


End file.
